


JARVIS (and the bots) get a pet.

by Bellaromanza



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Other, Written in an Hour, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 00:25:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16566050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellaromanza/pseuds/Bellaromanza
Summary: Tony is NOT amused.





	JARVIS (and the bots) get a pet.

The doors slid open to Stark/Avengers/giant phallic symbol tower and in among the crowd of legs a small form, multi colored dashed in and disappeared. 

Disappeared? JARVIS scanned his cameras and if he could frown, he would be as he couldn't find the animal that had entered the building. An explosion captured his attention, SIR, and he assigned cameras to search for the animal. He needed to have a location before he called pest control. 

 

The kitten slid along the walls, the dark hallways not an impediment for it's advanced eyes. 

"You shouldn't be in here, cat," a voice from the ceiling scolded and the kitten looked up. The lights brightened slightly to illuminate dusty grey, brown, and tan kitten. Siamese mix to JARVIS's camera. The kitten tilted his head and sat, eye narrowed as it investigating the ceiling. 

"Don't give me that look," JARVIS protested. "I've had that look from far bigger people than you." 

"Meow." 

JARVIS sighed. "You need to..." and stopped because the kitten had apparently decided it was bored of the conversation and skittered away, out of the range of cameras, an oversight he'd surely scold Sir for. 

JARVIS kept cameras searching but didn't find the kitten until the next day when he let out an involuntary yelp when he caught the cat, sitting sphinx-like on Sir's refrigerator in the lab. How did it get into the lab? That question was shortly answered when Dummy chirped and rolled over and offered the cat something from it's claw, apparently a piece of Sir's abandoned lunch/breakfast/snack that was foisted on him by any number of people in the tower. 

"Dummy! Don't feed it!" he told the bot, aghast. He could tell it was already too late as Butterfingers rolled over with the plate and the rest of the obviously picked apart sandwich. Both bots ignored JARVIS and fed the cat pieces of sandwich until it was apparently full. It made a responding chirp to Dummy and curled up and to all appearances fell asleep. 

"Sir is going to donate you to the local high school," JARVIS threatened, not very successfully as Butterfingers rolled and turned and apparently decided he was standing guard. 

This was the moment that JARVIS wished he had hands so he could slap himself on the forehead. Luckily Sir was on a mission with the Avengers and wouldn't find out about their furry invader. 

Somehow the cat disappeared again and the next time his cameras located the invader it was curled up in the middle of Dr. Banner's bed. "Cat, you are going to be dismembered by Dr. Banner's alter ego. Scat!" 

The cat roundly ignored him and JARVIS sighed. He contacted a pest control company and was assured they would stop by that afternoon to round up the furry invader. 

Six hours later a frustrated company set up a live trap before leaving. JARVIS assured them he'd contact them when the cat was caught. 

3 days later-(say it with a French accent like the guy on Spongebob) 

Tony was going over the suit, tinkering with the boot when all of the sudden a cat popped out, scared the bejesus out of him, and landed on the table beside him. 

"Mother fucking god damnit it son of a bitch!" Tony yelped. 

"That's where you've got to," JARVIS scolded and the cat daintily licked one paw, obviously not fussed by the commotion. 

Tony stared at the cat, one hand over the arc-reactor like Scarlet O'Hara in Gone with the Wind. "What in the fresh hell is this?" 

Dummy whistled and beeped and moved around Tony to peer at the cat. The cat responded with an affectionate head bump. 

"JARVIS," Tony began slowly, "When did the bots get a cat?" 

JARVIS sighed. "Well, if Sir didn't leave food around then maybe Dummy and Butterfingers wouldn't have fed it." 

Tony's lip quirked as the cat did a shimmy and hopped onto Dummy's camera. The aplomb the robot showed made it clear that it wasn't the first time. "Just for general information, where were you, JARVIS, in all of this subversive behaviour?" 

The cat, tired of his perch on Dummy, performed a feat of acrobatics and landed on the work table and batted at a wrench hanging on the rack. Dummy trundled along and Butterfingers brought up the rear with a plate of Tony's forgotten, (AGAIN) food. 

"I had highlighted the areas where we need more cameras, Sir," JARVIS responded huffily. 

"Hey," Tony said, watching as the cat ate daintily from Butterfingers' 'fingers', so to speak. He knew it was a lost cause at this point though he wasn't sure what Pep would think. 

"Sir?" 

"Where is that cat going to the bathroom? You know, inquiring minds and all of that?" 

JARVIS paused. "Frankly Sir, I have no idea." 

Tony sighed and watched as the cat head bumped Butterfingers, "Then we'd better find out. I'll make a collar with a tracker in it so we don't find surprises." 

**

Steve regarded the cat curled in the middle of his bed with a confused frown. "JARVIS? There's a cat on my bed." 

"I'm sorry sir, just drop him in the hallway. He belongs to Dummy and Butterfingers." 

Turning slowly to stare at the camera, "I'm sorry, but did you say Tony's robots have a pet cat?" 

JARVIS, "Yes, Captain. It's name is the Furry Invader. Sir calls it Fi for short." 

Steve shook his head, gingerly picked up the cat, who limply hung from his hands purring like a motorcycle, "C'mon, Fi. Let's get you back upstairs." 

"No need, Captain," JARVIS said as Steve moved through his apartment. "Fi can navigate on it's own." 

"Okee dokee," Steve and gently dropped the cat in the hallway and watched in bemusement as it trotted away. 

**

Clint turned to the corner in the vent and stopped as he was confronted by a hissing cat. "Shit!" he yelped and scrabbled back. The gray and tan patchwork cat scrambled back and regarded him back. 

"Nice kitty?" he offered. The cat's fur settled and the cat abruptly licked a paw and scrubbed at it's face. "Um, I can go back the other way?" 

"There you are, there is food in the lab, Fi," JARVIS' voice, muffled slightly in the venting, said. 

"Pizza?" Clint asked hopefully. 

"Not for you but for the cat, sir." 

Clint looked back at the cat but it had disappeared. "This place is so weird," he muttered and went back the way he'd come. No way was he going to be ambushed by the furry invader. He did, however, spy on the bots and enjoy the shenanigans that came with Tony's bots adopting a cat. 

**

Bruce and Tony were working on taking apart an IED that hadn't exploded from an incident during the day. Bruce straightened up, stretching his back from where he'd been bent over when he froze. "Tony?" 

"Hmmm?" Tony responded absently. 

"There's a cat on your suit." 

Tony paused and shoved his goggles onto this head and turned to look at the armor. Sure enough, there was the cat, seated regally on top of Tony's helmet. "Hey, you know you're not supposed to be up there!" 

The cat yawned. 

"Yeah yeah," Tony complained before returning to the dud bomb. 

Bruce frowned. "When did you get a cat? Did I know you got a cat?" He knew he was absent minded but he thought he'd remember a cat. He liked them, generally. 

Tony laughed. "Oh, it's not mine. It belongs to JARVIS and the bots." 

"I am entirely blameless, Sir, as I have neither digits nor had I the inclination to get a pet, "JARVIS protested. 

Dummy beeped and booped happily as he trundled by, headed to Tony's suit. Both men watched as the robot stopped, the cat jumped, gracefully landing on Dummy. The bot happily twirled around and rolled back by, the cat perched, ears forward as if it were guiding that bot to their destination. 

Bruce smiled. "That is the cutest thing I have ever seen." 

"Well, if the bots wouldn't riot I'd give her to you but they're pretty fond of Fi." Tony wiped his hands on a rag, watching as Bruce walked up to the bot and slowly extended his hand for the cat to sniff. The cat did and immediately headbutted for a head scratch to which Bruce obliged. 

"Fi?" Bruce asked absently. 

"For Furry Invader," Tony replied dryly. "We're all suckers, apparently." 

**

Natasha got into the elevator and was immediately joined by a cat. The doors closed and the cat leaned up and pressed a button before settling back down without even a glance towards the woman. Feeling thoroughly tickled and dismissed, Natasha stayed quiet as the elevator went to the indicated floor and followed the cat as it trotted out into the common area, immediately going to Steve who was lounging on the couch and watching some Disney cartoon. 

"Hi Fi, what have you been up to today?" He greeted the cat warmly and it crawled into Steve's lap and purred like a jet engine. 

"Steve," Natasha began, "when did we get a cat?" she asked mildly, going over to the fridge to pour herself a drink while she watched the cat who had proceeded to knead Steve's leg and he petted it with long strokes. 

"Oh, it's not ours. It belongs to Tony's robots," Steve explained. Straight faced and earnest which meant he wasn't lying to her. 

Taking a drink, Natasha contemplated the cat. "Okay." She'd heard weirder things. Not many, true, but a few. 

Finishing her drink, she rinsed the glass and put it into the dishwasher before settling beside Steve. The cat left Steve's lap and crawled up the back of the couch where it began to play/chew with Natasha's hair. She'd gently shake her head and the cat's tiny claws would come out on her scalp but not enough to hurt and she'd stop, then the cat would start again. Steve had turned to watch the cat, the unguarded smile on Steve's made her smile back. 

**

Director Fury swept into the room in his usual dramatic fashion, noting with satisfaction that everyone was waiting for him. "Let's get to it," he said and pulled back his seat, only to be greeted with a hissing ball of cat. "What the fuck?" he yelped and stepped back in an abundance of caution. The cat hissed again, spitting what sounded like kitty curses at the man. 

Steve whooped a great laugh and there were smiles from around the table. 

Tony sighed and got up, scooping up the cat. "C'mon ball of fury, the original isn't impressed with your shenanigans," he said, moving to the door and dropping the cat in the hallway, the door shutting on the indignant yowl. 

"Oh, you're gonna pay for that," Clint said wisely. 

"I know," Tony said and presented an innocent face to their fearless leader. "Hey Nick, whatcha got for us?" 

"Whose cat?" Fury asked as he settled onto his chair with a huff. 

"It belongs to Tony's robots," Bruce answered, a small smile on his face. 

Fury looked at Stark, then at the smothered smiles around the table and decided, like that fucking Disney princess, to just let it go. "What have you found out about that bomb?" 

 

Fi trotted into the lab and yowled a complaint at Butterfingers, who wisely rolled over to offer their fuzzy overlord some of Tony's sandwich. Dummy warbled a comforting noise as he bent to greet the cat. JARVIS also double checked that there was cat food in Fi's dish, no need to rehash the last time the cat had found it empty. Cat's were hard, but they were learning.


End file.
